I had my first non-heights related panic attack in months this afternoon :( The future's unclear and very scary. I think this was mostly brought on by the fact that I was turned down for a position which I thought I was a shoe-in for - it's just one of those moments where you come to question your overall validity as a human being. I'm begining to wish that I had chosen a degree with more practical skills, like business or languages. I know everyone jokes about MAs being rather useless, but I'm starting to agree. I just wish that I could talk to my family and friends about it honestly, but I just keep bluffing on as if all was fine, and what's even worse is that they believe me - I'm setting myself up for a very big fall, I know, but I'm still going to be suprised when it happens because I have become very good at fooling myself into thinking that 'everything will be ok because it's always ok and it has to be ok'.
Running away and living as a hermit sounds so attractive right now.
2 comments:
Coming out of university is to my mind very similar to the moment when you reach the top of an escalator for the first time.
You stand on the thing while it does all the work and then at the last second you have to kind of run/jump over the gap without face-planting into the floor.
And then you have to remember to move on.
If all else fails find a nice temping agency until "real" work comes along. I've been temping for about 2 years and have finally found something I think I want to do - teaching.
It's just the waiting to find out bit that's driving me crazy, and it's only been a week since my last exam :S I don't cope well without some sort of deadline/pressure - I end up having too much time to think about stuff.
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