A self-ingulent whine.

This evening should have been a lot of fun. Should have been. As you might have guessed, it wasn't. So now I'm sitting in bed drinking neat tequila and blogging about why it was shit: this should give you some idea of quite how bad it was!
A bunch of us went out to see the Blues Brothers show at the Festival Theatre - the show itself was fantastic: can't fault that. But I spent quite a lot of the evening feeling like I had no point being there: everyone else in that particular social group either lives with another person in that group or is dating one of them. Everyone except me. I felt very isolated. I don't feel that I have the connections in that group that everyone else does: I wasn't in the same uni class, I don't live with another member of the group, I'm not dating another member of the group. I am essentially rootless. During dinner especially I felt the desire to get up and just leave, and I doubt anyone there would have followed me or asked if I was ok. It's not that I think that they don't give a damn about me, but there's just not the same imperative for any of them as there would be if it were someone they were connected to. I feel very issolated because a lot of the people I'm closest to are very far away, and I feel like I'm loosing my relevance here and with these people who I count as friends. I feel it especially because I've been edged out by someone who's trying to carve a place for themselves, and because of how other members of the group feel towards this person it's making my gradual fading-out that much swifter. I sometimes wonder whether I shouldn't just have left in March when I had the oppertunity and the reason, then I wouldn't be in this position. So in other words I spent the evening feeling like a spare wheel, unwell, hormonal and upset and very unloved. Most of the time I get the impression that people expect me to be fine and able to deal with stuff because I'm relativly mature and tend to be there when everyone else needs a hug and a chat. Is it too much to ask that when I'm looking upset and down that someone just gives me a hug and tells me that everything will be ok? Most of this has been reinforced by people making plans and forgetting to invite me (or plain just not bothering) or talking about plans they're making as a group to which I'm clearly not welcome. I just wish they could be a little more sensetive to the fact that I don't have that connection. I feel so alone here now. I feel like I don't belong to any group and am therefore very easily disregarded. The fact that someone who is relatively new to the group has just slide into place as a flatmate and a partner to other people means that they get invited to stuff that I won't because I don't have those links. I'm on the periphery and already getting further and further away.
This builds on the insecurities which are the basis of my depression, so it's triggering a lot of stuff in that direction. In high school someone who had been a friend deliberately tried to break me out of my circle of friends, for a reason which to this day I cannot define. She did everything except tell everyone else not to talk to me. This was during my sixth year, so I spent the greater part of that year feeling unwelcome in my own group because someone didn't want me there for reasons not shared by the rest, and when I left for uni that was the experiance which followed me. I'm almost continually paranoid that people I believe to be friends will turn around and hurt me for no reason. Much of what I have said so far is the hormones talking, but they're just allowing me to say what has been at the back of my mind for quite some time.