Got this idea from a friend, and think it's a pretty good one really: basicly say what you want to tell someone, but don't be name specific - they'll probably never read it, but it's a good 'cleansing' practise. I'm speaking to people who are (more-or-less) out of my life now.
1. I'm sorry you couldn't come with us and achieve your potential. I know you got scared, afraid of being abandoned and I should have been more suportive, but you had to want to move on, and you didn't. I hope you will eventually. Have a nice life darling.
2. I'm sorry I never kept in contact; we were good friends I think but we both got so caught up in the new that we drifted apart. I might work up the courage to call you one day.
3. You made my life a misery for years: we made up, but you know what?: I never really forgave you and I still can't bring myself to think well of you - I'm glad we're out of one another's lives.
4. Yeah, you knew all about it, I know that for a fact. It's pretty ammusing in retrospect, don't you think?
5. Sorry, we didn't really know eachother it would seem, but I'm still sorry that we didn't keep in touch. Thanks for your past kindnesses, and I hope you're doing well.
6. I wasn't really in a position to do what I did, and I'm sorry if you got the wrong impression - it wasn't meant that way - I was just afraid, so I messed you around without intending to.
7. You're a lovely person, and I hope we keep in contact after having not talked for so long. I admire you for you're strength throughout the troubled times - you coped where others couldn't have.
8. We were an odd bunch, and I can't work out what it was that brought us together but I'm glad it did - I doubt I could have coped without you, and without you I would never have learned that I like cigars ;)
9. It was what it was.
10. I forgive you all for your actions, but I won't forget. I hope you've changed.
11. I still think about you, and hope that I make you proud. xxx
xx
x
12. Thanks for making life a bit more interesting, and for ignoring the idiots :)
13. I'll come back one day if you're still around - we'll chat then (and I'll get the icecream this time)
14. Thanks for so much - I'd be a completely differant person if it weren't for you. I hope you've read 'Persuasion' by now!
15. I think you made the wrong decision, and I respect you less for it i'm afraid - things change and I can't help but think that our friendship is much the worse off for it.
16. I'm glad that you're doing well but I wish you weren't so far away! Keep well sweetie x
17. It's incredible how alike we are, it's just a shame we met in passing - I hope we meet again soon.
That's all I can be bothered with for now.
Monday, 23 April 2007
Saturday, 21 April 2007
Zoo!
So yesterday was a bit less productive work-wise than I predicted cause I went to the zoo instead! Huzzah! Adam had 2 free tickets from his job last year and wanted to use them before he left Edinburgh for good (i.e. tomorrow :( ) It was so much fun! I haven't been since I was about 9 or 10, and it's as much fun as I remember - probably more because I appreciate all the work that goes on there too. We were there for about 6 hours in the end and it didn't feel like it at all. The zoo is on a rather steep hill, so we got a lot of exercise walking up to see the Lions at the top :) And best of all we went on a really quiet day which wasn't too warm, so no screaming kids with icecream to deal with thank goodness - also meant that we had a chance to talk with the trainers and keepers about the animals, which was really interesting.
We started out by going to see the Sealions being fed and trained - they're such graceful creatures in the water, and very intelligent too. We then went up to see the Red Pandas; there are very few left in the wild now because of habitat destruction and population isolation: they do, like giant pandas, eat bamboo (which is highly toxic apparently) but the food-value derived from it is so poor that they cannot move very fast at all, rather like Koala's in that respect. When we went initially they were hiding high up in the pine branches, but we came back later we were just in time to see one at ground level, and watch it climbing back up to the canopy - it was certainly one of the highlights of the day for me. There was a talk on the herd of Bongos later on, and then the Penguin Parade, which turned out to be a penguin strole because only two of them could be bothered to go (it's a vollentary walk) but was fun none-the-less.
The funniest incident of the day was walking through the lemur enclosure and being hissed at by one of the lemurs - it was sitting on the rope overhanging the path, staring at us and hissing - I wasn't sure whether to be scared or laugh because it was just so un-threatening!
Adam's highlight of the day must have been the animal handling session: he held a snake dispite being utterly terrified of them (for obvious reasons involving a snake-pit when he was 10) - was very proud of him for that. Also got to hold a Giant African Land Snail - apparently they form their shells by consuming the bones of dead creatures on the plains :) also held a guineapig (how very scary), a cockroach and a bearded lizard.
Was a great day out, which I thoroughly enjoyed :) Much better than revison!
Other news: Mum has been organising the MacMillian charity dance in Duns - don't think she was terribly keen on the idea, but one of the new members forced the issue, so Mum really hopes it'll be a success inspite of only 40 tickets having been sold and the dance being tonight. And now I'm going to organise notes and watch a film- possibly My Fair Lady.
We started out by going to see the Sealions being fed and trained - they're such graceful creatures in the water, and very intelligent too. We then went up to see the Red Pandas; there are very few left in the wild now because of habitat destruction and population isolation: they do, like giant pandas, eat bamboo (which is highly toxic apparently) but the food-value derived from it is so poor that they cannot move very fast at all, rather like Koala's in that respect. When we went initially they were hiding high up in the pine branches, but we came back later we were just in time to see one at ground level, and watch it climbing back up to the canopy - it was certainly one of the highlights of the day for me. There was a talk on the herd of Bongos later on, and then the Penguin Parade, which turned out to be a penguin strole because only two of them could be bothered to go (it's a vollentary walk) but was fun none-the-less.
The funniest incident of the day was walking through the lemur enclosure and being hissed at by one of the lemurs - it was sitting on the rope overhanging the path, staring at us and hissing - I wasn't sure whether to be scared or laugh because it was just so un-threatening!
Adam's highlight of the day must have been the animal handling session: he held a snake dispite being utterly terrified of them (for obvious reasons involving a snake-pit when he was 10) - was very proud of him for that. Also got to hold a Giant African Land Snail - apparently they form their shells by consuming the bones of dead creatures on the plains :) also held a guineapig (how very scary), a cockroach and a bearded lizard.
Was a great day out, which I thoroughly enjoyed :) Much better than revison!
Other news: Mum has been organising the MacMillian charity dance in Duns - don't think she was terribly keen on the idea, but one of the new members forced the issue, so Mum really hopes it'll be a success inspite of only 40 tickets having been sold and the dance being tonight. And now I'm going to organise notes and watch a film- possibly My Fair Lady.
Friday, 20 April 2007
Yay - the adrenalin has returned!
So, last night was the first rehearsal for 'Guilds' - yay! Can't wait to be back on stage although it's difficult to believe it's been a year since my last rehearsal. I was fairly aprehensive as the cast already know each other from the past two shows which I hadn't been in (damn final year) and I don't know them, fortunately there are a few of us oldies around too (rather odd to say that as I'm only 21 and haven't done as many shows as some of the newer members, think it's just cause I joined the society at the tail-end of 'old savoy' so have been accepted as such) although not very many (Andy, Chris and, Rachel and I). But got chatting to a few of the chorus, and they seem like nice girls, so hopefully that'll outweight the irritation that certain people will cause.
The MD, John, ran through the music (which he wrote) and it sounds superb! Am thoroughly impressed, and looking forward to hearing it with it's various eight-part harmonies :) Chris, the Director, went through the storyline (written by Alister Braden): it sounds good, and has plenty of New Labour jokes thrown in. I have a feeling that if we get the publicity right and the show goes to plan, we might have a very sucessful show on our hands. Fingers crossed! Rehearsals are Sundays and Thursdays until the summer break, which as a rehearsal schedual I've always prefered to the Sunday-Monday rehearsal schedual of previous shows. The big question is ; where are we going to rehearse after the break? I'll be damned if I'm travelling out to Liberton every rehearsal. Oh well, hopefully that'll get sorted earlier rather than later. So, first real rehearsal on Sunday - horrah!
Today: start revision (no rest for the wicked), go to Adam's leaving drinks.
The MD, John, ran through the music (which he wrote) and it sounds superb! Am thoroughly impressed, and looking forward to hearing it with it's various eight-part harmonies :) Chris, the Director, went through the storyline (written by Alister Braden): it sounds good, and has plenty of New Labour jokes thrown in. I have a feeling that if we get the publicity right and the show goes to plan, we might have a very sucessful show on our hands. Fingers crossed! Rehearsals are Sundays and Thursdays until the summer break, which as a rehearsal schedual I've always prefered to the Sunday-Monday rehearsal schedual of previous shows. The big question is ; where are we going to rehearse after the break? I'll be damned if I'm travelling out to Liberton every rehearsal. Oh well, hopefully that'll get sorted earlier rather than later. So, first real rehearsal on Sunday - horrah!
Today: start revision (no rest for the wicked), go to Adam's leaving drinks.
Monday, 16 April 2007
Home again :)
Well, last night was fun - went on the ghost tour with Maya and Jay. This one went around the Grayfriar's Kirkyard (home to Bobby and Burke/Hare - can't remember which) and the infamous black mausollium (sp?). So did a bit of a tour around with the guide telling us about the various sightings in the graveyard (what with the 450,000 bodies estimated to be burried there). The highlight of the tour was the group going into the Black Mausollium where people are regularly 'attacked' by supernatural forces - over 180 people have reportedly been knocked out there. The guide did a good job of planting the suggestions in peoples minds throughout the tour (ah, the power of repetition) so by the time we were in there everyone was thoroughly keyed up (except for me it would seem - I love being utterly cynical) are ready to be 'attacked'. So we were standing in this crypt for a good ten minutes and nothing happened (well, one guy said he felt breathing on the back of his neck). The guide said that we would probably feel an ache begin in our legs working its way up, and that this was generally a prelude to an attack: well, I was feeling this, but put it down to the fact that we were standing in the cold, on a hard and uneven floor, so circulation was bound to play up a bit. However, I did develope a sever headache - but I suspect that this was down to the fact that the dark was straining my eyes and that the black mausollium backs onto an electrical substation, and the structure of the BM itself comprises a metal framework - hello electrical fields! No wonder people faint and have visions or spasms - their internal electrics are being scrambled! But whatever it was, the ghosties didn't feel like playing. And of course no tour would be complete without the guy jumping out to scare everyone. So, like the rest I screamed, but unlike the rest (while still acting on sheer terror) I took a swing at 'it' - fortunately I missed, thank goodness my depth preception is pretty damn poor in the dark!) All the while the logical part of my brain was shouting "It's a man in a costume you idiot!", but it would seem that instint was in charge. Said sorry to the guy later, and he said it was ok - he'd been attacked with umbarellas, elbows etc on more than one occassion, so was always very careful to dodge. So, was quite a fun evening.
Today
Didn't do much except a clothes wash and the washing up, packed stuff. Caught the train at 2, got into Berwick at 3 only to find that the next bus to Duns wasn't til 4.15 - bloody borders bus service! But am home now :)
Today
Didn't do much except a clothes wash and the washing up, packed stuff. Caught the train at 2, got into Berwick at 3 only to find that the next bus to Duns wasn't til 4.15 - bloody borders bus service! But am home now :)
Sunday, 15 April 2007
And Relax
Thursday - Friday
Unsuprisingly, worked all day. Went into the computing labs in the Geography department to work later-on and ended up pulling an all nighter (first time I've ever done that). The geo department is an old hospital, which made the whole thing rather creepy, especially when the security men came around and turned off all the lights except in the lab! Didn't help that I was by this point having hallucinations due to sleep deprivation! But got the work done, printed, bound and handed in on time, so that's all that really counts. Also got a call from the producer at classic fm asking if I wanted to make a request on-air (I had emailed the day before asking to hear the Anvil Chorus), so I did that too, which was pretty damn cool :) Then went to the pub; met Dave and Nick D. there, but they both had to head away fairly quickly. Was soon joined by Alison, so we had dinner and a nice chat before Chris arrived. Lou joined us after, and we ended up playing Monopoly which was fun except for the fact that Chris thrashed the rest of us :( so we called him a Fat Capitalist Pie. Lou disappeared cause she's still working on her dissertation, so Alison Chris and I hung around for a while longer. By this point I was past tiredness and into the manic phase, which is always fun, but seriously concidering going to bed when I got a call from Maya saying that she, Jay, Doug, Gareth, Anna and a friend of Gareth's were on their way over, so the evening was extended. Had a nice time and chatted to Doug about his newly aquired job at Google - delighted for him and also utterly jealous, but he deserves it having worked so hard. Decided that hallucinations were really getting quite bad so went home.
Saturday
woke up around midday. Still shattered and couldn't move for love nor money, and spent a considerable time crying cause I felt so weak! Think it was a combination of sleep deprivation then having slept a lot, lack of adrenalin, and the lack of deadlines - but whatever it was I was a wreck. Managed to pull self together enough to get up and see a friend's production of The Tempest - was very high standard inspite of the fact that the lead man could not appear for personal reasons. Instead they did a show-case of the rest of the scenes and a Q and A session to fill in the gaps at the end. Set was great given the space avaliable, costume was great (especially for Ariel who they painted blue). Then went for a walk in the sunshine which was lovely. Spent the evening with Chris watching Boston Legal.
Today
Another late start. Read I Capture the Castle again (forgot how much I love it). Came back to the flat (also forgot what a State I left it in). Going to Sainsbury's in a bit, then possibly on a Ghost Tour with Maya and Jay.
Unsuprisingly, worked all day. Went into the computing labs in the Geography department to work later-on and ended up pulling an all nighter (first time I've ever done that). The geo department is an old hospital, which made the whole thing rather creepy, especially when the security men came around and turned off all the lights except in the lab! Didn't help that I was by this point having hallucinations due to sleep deprivation! But got the work done, printed, bound and handed in on time, so that's all that really counts. Also got a call from the producer at classic fm asking if I wanted to make a request on-air (I had emailed the day before asking to hear the Anvil Chorus), so I did that too, which was pretty damn cool :) Then went to the pub; met Dave and Nick D. there, but they both had to head away fairly quickly. Was soon joined by Alison, so we had dinner and a nice chat before Chris arrived. Lou joined us after, and we ended up playing Monopoly which was fun except for the fact that Chris thrashed the rest of us :( so we called him a Fat Capitalist Pie. Lou disappeared cause she's still working on her dissertation, so Alison Chris and I hung around for a while longer. By this point I was past tiredness and into the manic phase, which is always fun, but seriously concidering going to bed when I got a call from Maya saying that she, Jay, Doug, Gareth, Anna and a friend of Gareth's were on their way over, so the evening was extended. Had a nice time and chatted to Doug about his newly aquired job at Google - delighted for him and also utterly jealous, but he deserves it having worked so hard. Decided that hallucinations were really getting quite bad so went home.
Saturday
woke up around midday. Still shattered and couldn't move for love nor money, and spent a considerable time crying cause I felt so weak! Think it was a combination of sleep deprivation then having slept a lot, lack of adrenalin, and the lack of deadlines - but whatever it was I was a wreck. Managed to pull self together enough to get up and see a friend's production of The Tempest - was very high standard inspite of the fact that the lead man could not appear for personal reasons. Instead they did a show-case of the rest of the scenes and a Q and A session to fill in the gaps at the end. Set was great given the space avaliable, costume was great (especially for Ariel who they painted blue). Then went for a walk in the sunshine which was lovely. Spent the evening with Chris watching Boston Legal.
Today
Another late start. Read I Capture the Castle again (forgot how much I love it). Came back to the flat (also forgot what a State I left it in). Going to Sainsbury's in a bit, then possibly on a Ghost Tour with Maya and Jay.
Monday, 9 April 2007
Consequently...
...I think I may have caught Cat's cold! Doh!
Oh well, sun's still shining :)
Next day...
Yup, definately have the cold- blegh!
Next day again...
Mwahahaha! Am killing evil cold with flu capsuals, oranges and caffeine!
Oh well, sun's still shining :)
Next day...
Yup, definately have the cold- blegh!
Next day again...
Mwahahaha! Am killing evil cold with flu capsuals, oranges and caffeine!
Sunday, 8 April 2007
Cat and Ed's wedding
Spent yesterday out at Costorphine for Cat (ex-flatmate) and Ed's wedding at St Thomas's church - such a good day! :) They had the perfect day for it too! Blue sky and sunshine, lovely and warm. The flowers, the dress and the bridesmaids dresses were all beautiful - Cat look stunning! And I was amazed by just how calm Ed was from begining to end, having said that I don't think that he's one for emotional outbusts. The ceremony was lovely - the minister was Mike from P's and G's, and everything went really well. The photographer had everyone gather around the bridal party at the end for a photograph, which was a great idea, but I ended up standing right next to Cat, which was rather embarressing (didn't want to be in the front row)- looking forward to seeing the photos.
Then Chris and I headed over to his parent's house for the rest of the afternoon and dinner, then we went to the reception. We stayed until the cake was cut, but disappeared after that - both of us were utterly shattered.
Favourite moment of the evening was when Cat came over to chat, and I asked whether she had a cold; she said yes, and that the first thing she did after she and Ed were married was to hand him a snotty hanky because her wedding dress lacked pockets - I nealy died laughing! It's so like her :) Will never forget the morning that I wondered through to the kitchen for breakfast; Cat came through and said, "Oh, by the way, Ed and I got engaged yesterday afternoon in the graveyard [across the road]".
Have to start thinking of them as Mr and Mrs Kinley now :-S
Then Chris and I headed over to his parent's house for the rest of the afternoon and dinner, then we went to the reception. We stayed until the cake was cut, but disappeared after that - both of us were utterly shattered.
Favourite moment of the evening was when Cat came over to chat, and I asked whether she had a cold; she said yes, and that the first thing she did after she and Ed were married was to hand him a snotty hanky because her wedding dress lacked pockets - I nealy died laughing! It's so like her :) Will never forget the morning that I wondered through to the kitchen for breakfast; Cat came through and said, "Oh, by the way, Ed and I got engaged yesterday afternoon in the graveyard [across the road]".
Have to start thinking of them as Mr and Mrs Kinley now :-S
Friday, 6 April 2007
Gah!
Oh, such a big mistake! Big, big, big mistake! I embarress myself so much at times that it's just scary, and it's not as if I can blame drink or being blonde! I think I need to go bury my head in the sand somewhere far, far away from here, possibly South Africa. Mo and Pete said I'd be welcome out there with them, and right now it seems increasingly appealing. Wonder what the chances of getting a job out there for a year would be? Hmm. Apart from being a rather extreem way of avoiding embarresment, it does sound like an idea... Admittedly it's 'all change' in a couple of months anyway, but am feeling like I'm in a bit of a rut here. Needs thinking about.
Thursday, 5 April 2007
Another highly productive day
So far I have...
got up, showered and dressed
made brunch for Chris and me; kippers are good :)
put through two loads of washing and hung up in glorious sunshine
did shop at Sainsbury's
made ginger cake :)
played on internet
avoided work
basked in sunshine a bit more
thought about working and decided it was a waste of time...
...then worked out I have 8 days til I have to hand this evil wodge of paper in and decided that maybe it wasn't such a waste of time after all.
Still to happen today...
Lou's coming over for a change of scenery, also being stuck in dissertation hell
Will continue on evil 'D' then email to parental unit to read and criticise
Laura's off home for a few days, so again have empty flat to work in
Might take a bath later to try and get rid of these rocks which are currently posing as my shoulder muscles.
Have muscles (of the shellfish variety) for dinner with wine and garlic :)
Watch some CSI - it's worrying just how addictive it is!!!!! And I'm also somewhat concerned by just how attractive I find William Petterson (Gil Grissam)!
So just now...
I'm gonna stop typing
Drink some coke
Stop wishing I were outside
Start working
got up, showered and dressed
made brunch for Chris and me; kippers are good :)
put through two loads of washing and hung up in glorious sunshine
did shop at Sainsbury's
made ginger cake :)
played on internet
avoided work
basked in sunshine a bit more
thought about working and decided it was a waste of time...
...then worked out I have 8 days til I have to hand this evil wodge of paper in and decided that maybe it wasn't such a waste of time after all.
Still to happen today...
Lou's coming over for a change of scenery, also being stuck in dissertation hell
Will continue on evil 'D' then email to parental unit to read and criticise
Laura's off home for a few days, so again have empty flat to work in
Might take a bath later to try and get rid of these rocks which are currently posing as my shoulder muscles.
Have muscles (of the shellfish variety) for dinner with wine and garlic :)
Watch some CSI - it's worrying just how addictive it is!!!!! And I'm also somewhat concerned by just how attractive I find William Petterson (Gil Grissam)!
So just now...
I'm gonna stop typing
Drink some coke
Stop wishing I were outside
Start working
Wednesday, 4 April 2007
The sun is shining and all is well...
...well, as much as normal but certainly made better by sunshine :) (although it did take most of the Scots a while to stop running around, screaming about the sky being on fire and the mysterious dissapperance of the clouds, and realise that blue skys do occassionally happen, or so it is said).
So, mini update...
1) Hair got cut - huzzah! Although I do now look at little too choirboy-ish.
2) Dissertation is on it's way to being finished - huzzah! (only 8 day til hand-in)
3) Saw the 300 - loved it in almost every way :)
4) Parents want to let out the flat for the Fringe. Great, cause it'll make quite a bit of money, but not so great cause I'll have to move out and find somewhere to stay for 3 weeks, and I can't even go home cause I'm in the Savoy Fringe show. Hmm. Shall have to work something out soon I think.
5) Seasonal headaches have returned - booooooo! High pressure during summer gives me really bad headaches which don't go away with out painkillers, water and a darkened room.
6) Chris has now gone from Winter hibernation mode into Summer insomnia mode.
7) Need to start job hunting for the Summer - thinking about signing up to a temping company. Don't think I could deal with going back to Tesco; the job bores me silly and the customers are soooooo rude, but the pay is pretty decent so may have to consider it.
8) Found out a few things which suprised me about a certain person - wibble! :s
9) A girl from Savoy is appearing in a BBC3 documentary 'My Big Breasts and Me'; follows her story, as well as two other people's, as she decides to have reduction surgery in order to alleviate the chronic back pain her breasts cause her(BBC3, 9pm, Thursday).
10) Other stuff has happened, but I can't remember/it's not that interesting.
Back to work now, and will probably stop in time to watch Ugly Betty (It's my brother's fault for getting me hooked on it, seriously). Might go and work in the garden for a while :)
So, mini update...
1) Hair got cut - huzzah! Although I do now look at little too choirboy-ish.
2) Dissertation is on it's way to being finished - huzzah! (only 8 day til hand-in)
3) Saw the 300 - loved it in almost every way :)
4) Parents want to let out the flat for the Fringe. Great, cause it'll make quite a bit of money, but not so great cause I'll have to move out and find somewhere to stay for 3 weeks, and I can't even go home cause I'm in the Savoy Fringe show. Hmm. Shall have to work something out soon I think.
5) Seasonal headaches have returned - booooooo! High pressure during summer gives me really bad headaches which don't go away with out painkillers, water and a darkened room.
6) Chris has now gone from Winter hibernation mode into Summer insomnia mode.
7) Need to start job hunting for the Summer - thinking about signing up to a temping company. Don't think I could deal with going back to Tesco; the job bores me silly and the customers are soooooo rude, but the pay is pretty decent so may have to consider it.
8) Found out a few things which suprised me about a certain person - wibble! :s
9) A girl from Savoy is appearing in a BBC3 documentary 'My Big Breasts and Me'; follows her story, as well as two other people's, as she decides to have reduction surgery in order to alleviate the chronic back pain her breasts cause her(BBC3, 9pm, Thursday).
10) Other stuff has happened, but I can't remember/it's not that interesting.
Back to work now, and will probably stop in time to watch Ugly Betty (It's my brother's fault for getting me hooked on it, seriously). Might go and work in the garden for a while :)
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